Gratitude as a Path to “The Source”
In this story, Phil describes how years of misplaced worry and fear was transformed into gratitude.
When I was nine years old, my brother died of a rare type of cancer. After that, my family waited helplessly for another catastrophe to befall us. Who was next?
Then, when I was 14, unexplained headaches began to strike just as I feel asleep each night. They felt like a knife sticking through my skull. My first thought was that I had a brain tumor. As the weeks passed, my terror grew, but to protect my parents, I kept it to myself.
It finally became too much, and I told them. Terrified, they put me through a complete medical workup. When all the tests came back negative, I knew I was fine. What I didn’t know was that my experience of life was about to be permanently changed.
Until this ordeal, the most meaningful thing in my life was basketball. The best games were at the YMCA, but to get there I had to take a bus through a decaying part of Manhattan. Every corner was staked out by streetwalkers and dope dealers. Like every native New Yorker, I dealt with the danger by staring straight ahead and shutting out whatever was happening around me.
I remember getting on that bus the first night after my life had been spared. It lurched forward on its usual course through hell, the same shouts and sirens echoing on the streets outside, the air still stinking of garbage. But because I thought I’d never take this ride again, I experienced it in a whole new light. Every sensation felt like a miracle. Something had given me back this ride—and with it the rest of my life. My heart was overcome with gratitude.
Phil’s experience was so strong, it forced him to look at everything differently. He was in the presence of an all-giving power. We call this power “the Source.” Phil experienced it in one brief flash, but it’s always there. In the past it gave you life, in the present it sustains you, and its creative power fills your future with infinite possibilities. Once you can recognize all that you’re given, you feel connected to the Source and your need to worry diminishes.